So, It's actually July 17, 2012. I originally posted this back in April, I think, and then took it down. I took it down because I wasn't sure if it was how I felt, what I thought, but that is part of "wine o'clock". In the moment, uninhibited. So, I've chosen not to edit, not to delete later when wine o'clock ends. To bravely leave it. Just as it is. So here it is.
I was talking with a great friend about my "troubles" with one of my children. Each of us has one child the same age. I was mentioned a book I was reading to try to get some guidance, relief, help, all of the above, knowing it was me who needed to "figure it out". It's called "The Parent's Tao Te Ching". I told her I would post something from it. This is a dear friend and as I was looking through the book to find the right passage for her and it was passage #35. I chose this passage not because I think it's what she should do that she may not be but because it's to remind her( if she needs it) that what she does naturally is good. The next passage is for me # 36. To remind me that what I naturally feel is good too. It's curious that they are next to each other #35 and #36. So... I will copy them below. Again these are from "The Parent's Tao Te Ching" by William Martin.
#35
MAKE THE ORDINARY COME ALIVE
Do not ask your children
to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
but it is a way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
tomatoes, apples, and pears.
Show them how to cry
when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself
You will have to constantly contend
with the pressure for ever more,
and ever bigger,
that culture seeks to impose
on your children
and you.
It take courage and discipline
to go slow,
live simply,
and see clearly.
But the rewards are great.
What ordinary thing can you do together today?
#36
OPPOSITES ARE NECESSARY
If you want your children to be generous,
you must first allow them to be selfish.
If you want them to be discplined,
you must first allow them to be spontaneous.
If you want them to be hard-working,
You must first allow them to be lazy.
This is a subtle distinction,
and hard to explain to those who criticize you.
A quality cannot be fully learned
without understanding its opposite.
All your friends,
(especially the grandparents)
will tell you this is nonsense.
But look carefully inside of yoursellf.
Only the child with a strong sense of self
can be truly generous.
Only the child who discovers his or her bliss
will truly work hard.
Most of what passes as discipline and hard work
is an overlay of coerced behavior.
It has no authentic power or joy.
Only the lazy, undisciplined dreamer
can discover within the source of true dicipline
that will bring great success.
There is so much in this book that can apply at different times to parents in learning about their children and themselves.
I am so grateful to have my children in my life. They are truly a blessing from God. I think I have learned and will continue to learn to be a better, happier person because of what they teach me about life and myself than I ever could without them. They bring me such JOY!
